Back to my Roots: The Ladies who Launch Conference

For the past year now, I've spoken quite often about crossing the chasm between advertisers and bloggers. Earlier this year I was asked to sit on a panel for a Ladies Who Launch event in San Francisco to speak about, well, me, and my entrepreneurial journey--such a departure to discussing the merits of blogging, or the power of word-of-mouth marketing!

And yet, this event appealed to me in a way the others didn't. It reminded me of my days of yore, when I actually wrote about the seeds of creation, what brought me to starting a business with Lisa and Elisa, a pivotal time when your foundation for moving forward is built. A time when your previous world has blown up--it has to be blown up, or you'll spend too much energy trying to keep the past intact and not moving forward.

The event was not in any way a traditional conference-like format. Sure, there were panels and interviews, but in back were small businesses selling merchandise and lots of shopping. It turned me off initially--why do we always assume that if women are involved we need to have jewlery and cute things lining the place? But as I got to speaking to the women in the booths I realized they were a re-enforcement of the message behind this event: Anything is possible, and we can help each other get there. What better way of telling the story of your business than having your business brought to the event?

I spoke on a panel of media experts, including the hilarious Randy Peyser, CEO of her own business and author of Crappy to Happy, and The Write-a-Book Program: How to Position Yourself as an Expert by Writing a Book, and the epitome of Chutzpah. She told her story of following her dream and having nothing to show for it initially--except for a single box of baking soda in the fridge (been there!)--she opted to stand out on the highway with a sign "Editor seeking publisher." Incidentally, it worked.

The lesson from her story: It usually takes an act of faith (and insanity) to make a dream happen. And by the way, I could tell that being crazy was not a typical thing in Randy's life; she had to aspire to being crazy. A lot of people think that some people are born with the crazy gene and some aren't. I subscribe to a different theory, we are all born meant to be awake and alive, and those who go through this life without asking themselves if they are passionate about what they do are the ones who are crazy.

When asked about advice I had to making an entrepreneurial vision happen, I had a fairly amorphous answer; this is what I wanted to say: We are born with an obligation to ourselves to do what we are meant to do. Seeing our lives failing to commit to ourselves is often what pushes us over the edge. Personally, I couldn't stand myself any longer, and neither could the people who worked next to me. I brooded and complained once a quarter about not being utilized fully. Be warned: expect to be utilized on the entrepreneurial journey, OVER-utilized, in fact. Expect to have to do some outlandish things like get on airplanes and talk about things like you are the expert. Realize you are the expert and just do them.

Also on the panel is a woman I've been wanting to meet for quite some time--Kate Everett Thorp of Real Girls Media. Being the head of a digital media company, I thought I knew her story, but I didn't. Hearing Kate describe how her mother was instrumental to helping her commit to things at a young age, and how her husband left his work as an engineer to take care of their three children, I realized there are no easy peasy ways of becoming an entrepreneur. Some of us sacrifice more than others, some of us get funded sooner, but none of us had an easy ride. None of us did this without help. The more we tell our stories, the more we free up other women to take the plunge.

A handful of women came up to me, I had assumed, to ask me about blogging. Some did want advice. And three asked me, with shyness, what's a blog? I had to laugh appreciatively; I came equipped to tell of how blogging would increase entrepreneurs' visibility, but it seemed that my expertise was less interesting than my experience. The part I don't share in keynotes--how freaking hard it is to start something no one has done before. Working through uncertainty and learning much more about what you want through discovering what doesn't work for you.

One woman approached me whom I hadn't seen in years. I found it ironic that she'd approached me, since years ago I'd seen her speak, and later she'd become one of my inspirations. In fact, I wrote about her when I embarked on a previous entrepreneurial journey. Here's a snippet:

One day ... my business partner set up a lunch with a woman she’d known in the personal development industry for a long time. I’d only known her by reputation—she was a sharp entrepreneur with a law degree from Stanford who owned and ran a successful spa. She was getting ready to open a spa-themed gift shop on the Wharf in San Francisco.

We decided to meet at a restaurant in the East Bay. “Why are we meeting with her?” I asked my business partner.

“I never miss a chance to meet with Jerusha,” she said. “She just pumps you up with ideas. She gets things stirring.”

Now, I was once all for big Pow Wows over margaritas, but I was certain that, for me, those days were over; pure luxuries from days past when I was paid to show up. Now I was paid to produce.

My partner and I munched on nacho chips, waiting. I heard a loud, almost halting, cackle from across the restaurant.

“She’s here,” my partner said.

A statuesque African American woman approached the table. I don’t remember exactly what she was wearing; only that it was BRIGHT with color, like many crayons melting in a bucket. Her long cornrows stretched half-way down her back. She held out her arms and I wondered, “should I hug first, or should my partner and I go together?” 

Jerusha had an energy that defied categorization. Clearly she was smart, but she never used her education to prove her expertise or qualifications. Her law degree was merely part of her story, a stop on her long journey to … where? I asked her, “What are you hoping to accomplish with the store you’re opening on the Wharf?” The Wharf is probably the most touristy part of San Francisco, hardly a place where hard-core spa drifters hang out.

“We’ll see what happens. Either people will go or they won’t,” Jerusha said. In fairness, she had made some adjustments to the merchandise and layout to attract more transient customers. But she seemed less concerned about the new store than her next project, her new book, which she was writing from the comfort of the living room couch she was currently crashing on. She was in between residences and deciding on her next place to live.

Just hearing about all of Jerusha’s risks and upheavals was making me clench my teeth to numbness. I kept asking myself, “where is all of this heading? How will all of this work out?”

Jerusha asked us how things were going on our end. We told her they were exciting, indeed; but she could hear the hesitation in my voice. I told her I was struggling to balance the vision of the business with my current financial reality. Before starting the business I had signed a one-year lease on a place more expensive than my last. If business didn’t pick up I would have to do something drastic.

“What’s the worst that could happen?” Jerusha said.

“I’d have to break my lease.”

“So then break it,” she said.

“But then I would have to find a roommate.”

“Been there,” she said.

“What if I get too broke for a roommate and I have to move back in with my parents?”

“That sounds fine. That the worst you can think of?”

“And work from Chicago!”

“You have a phone and a laptop.”

I looked at Jerusha, incredulous, “And then what?”

“And then what, what?” she said. “When you get enough money, come back.”

“And stay with the business?”

“That’s right….Now, is that the worst that you can think of?”

She had a point. I’m sure it’s possible, but people don't perish because they became entrepreneurs and failed at it. Rather, they become like Jerusha, first movers to the next clue of the big picture. When thoughts of failure enter that picture, the glimpses of those clues go dark.

During my dark period I went back to a “day job”, but my thoughts were never the same. The glimpses taunt me and whisper, “who cares if you can’t fully understand…”

In true form, Jerusha was working on a new business, another book, and was colorful as always. She said to me, "Look at you!"

We hugged and I reminded her of that lunch when she reminded me that I only had everything to lose.

"See!" she said. "And it all turned out."

I can harp on forever about what's still missing, how I've yet to know what the future will look like, how I have yet to find that elusive balance and ultimate zen, but I suppose it did.

   

Comments

[Dean]

Fascinating/fantastic rubric ... "what is the worst that could happen" and "then what". Reminds me that when we become attached to the outcome we tend to lose the the attraction to the actions we know are necessary to fill the dream.

Thanks for the reminder.

[Joy]

What a wonderful post this was Jor....and how great that you got to see Jerusha again. I can imagine how you both must have felt. What a nice moment for both of you. Ladies Who Launch...sounds right up your alley...what a great time.

[Kay Dennison]

What an inspiration you are, Jory! You even have this old gal ready to jump in and start something! Is it too late for me?

[Whimspiration]

Just what I needed to hear today. :D

[Tina Su]

I like what you’re doing with your blog. Keep up the awesome work. Great Post!

Love & Gratitude,
Tina
Think Simple. Be Decisive.
~ Productivity, Motivation & Happiness

[genevieve]

Heard a Benedictine abbess say something memorable on the teev last week, Jory: "The weak should have nothing to run from, and the strong something to strive for."

That's why you're still in there:-) Great post, as always.

[jen_chan, writer SureFireWealth.com]

You're right. The entrepreneurial path is hardly an easy one. And based on the snippet about Jerusha and yourself alone, I get the feeling that you've been through a lot and had to cope with losing a lot along the way. Then again, despite your so-called dark days, you moved forward because you were equipped with knowledge that things are not so bad. That someday, you'll be able to go back. And you did! I hope a lot more women get to read this article so they too will understand that failure is only delayed success.

[Marilyn]

Jory, this was a wonderful post...but I've stopped by for another reason... It's been way too long since I've jumped out of Bloglines to leave you a comment. I've just read your Mom's post about your Dad...and just wanted to say I'm thinking of both of you. Hope you and Jesse have a wonderful Thanksgiving.

[LAChick]

Yep, making peace with the worst you seeing happening...I've had to do that myself during my current venture...I think it only strengthens your belief in what you've set out to achieve. Some of it has even happened...like having to move to a cheaper place...taking on some other writing work and even a day a week at a bookshop...but finally it's all starting to happen. It's all been worth it and I can't wipe the smile off my face that my business is starting to pay the rent.

Thanks for this post...we ladies can be a bit hard on ourselves sometimes.