My Two Minutes in the Spotlight: the SXSW 20x2 Event, where I told my secret

Thanks to Erik Hansen for offering up a clip of my 20x2 gig. For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, I was asked to provide my answer to a frustratingly cryptic question in front of a boozy SXSW crowd, at an annual event called 20x2, where a number of musicians, writers, bloggers, and "bon vivants" (aka: jobless, but witty people) offer up their unique take on the cryptic question, which this year was, "What's the Secret?"

I know better than to think I can memorize anything, even if it's only in two minutes, so I wrote my answer(s) down on a piece of paper--ad libbing where necessary. Some folks did some hilarious short clips, a few sang and made me almost pee my pants. Some brave souls decided to conduct experiments, such as Kevin Smokler, who did a two-minute round of the game "Telephone" and found that people in bars don't listen.

Andrew Huff had people write secrets in lemon juice, which burns quicker than paper. He tried to burn the paper and read the secrets, but ended up standing there in pyrofrustration. (This should provide you with some context to the end of my two-minute presentation).

Robert Scoble opted to invoke the God of Customer Relations. He stood there, waiting for divine insights and managed to make out, "Listen."

Jimmy Wales was the "Secret" 21st guest, who offered up his secret, on the personal impetus behind Wikipedia. Now there's a guy who can pull a good story together quickly. He took pity on me and my bladder during the intermission and let me steal into the Men's Room instead of waiting in the women's line--smart AND kind!

For those of you who prefer text. Here's the gist of what I offered up to the question: What's the Secret? For those who want to see the clip, click here.

The Secret to my Fabulous Life: by Jory Des Jardins

1. Don’t beg…but don’t stop calling, either.
2. Exfoliate dead skin cells—it’s important to scrape off draining people.
3. If you work at home, don’t flush during conference calls.
4. Recognize the metaphor in Project Runway: You may have a great concept on paper, but when combined with the fabric of life things tend to pucker and ride up.
5. Skip the Iraq stories in The New Yorker; obsess over potential punch lines for the back page.
6. Moisturize and wish you drank more water.
7. Opt for peace of mind over wealth, but get what’s coming to you.
8. Don’t date men with flimsy business cards.
9. Consider blogging a stopgap until you can afford therapy.
10. Steal free moments to read Yahoo! Headlines and check your page views.
11. Suck it up and get the dental insurance. And remember: people with really white teeth can’t be trusted.
12. Consider rejection to be a primary element of life; one you can re-work later in the screenplay.
13. Consider humiliation to be a great motivator.
14. Bristle at the C word, but still use it strategically.
15. Prove you can live in the Valley with a 5-year-old cell phone and a Handspring. Pass them off as vintage.
16. Teach your 2-year-old niece to say things like, “Can’t complain” and “Enough Already!”—Everyone needs a legacy.
17. Cry while watching Celebrity Fit Club; like Young MC for trying.
18. Dream of a future with throw pillows.
19. Remind yourself to eat and call your mother on your To-Do list.
20. Become one with PhotoShop.
21. Befriend a Web designer, a hairstylist, and a massage therapist.
22. Remember that life is not a bathtub; it doesn’t matter how much you scrub.

SXSW 20x2

Comments

[Joy]

This is so great Jor...at least I can READ what you said since I still can't get the clip to work. I haven't given up though...I WILL find a way. I would have loved seeing everyone's bit...had to have been hilarious. You DO have a fabulous life honey...a funny, and fabulous life. -Mom xo

[genevieve]

I can't watch it just yet as the house is sleeping (but my son is NOT. At 5 am. And I have just told him how silly he is.) How did you get all that in in two minutes? I particularly like the bathtub metaphor, BTW. Sounds like you gave Scoble a real run for his money there.
If you had a chance at all, Jory, and if I had known they were there, I would have told you to go check out the Living End while you were at Austin. A great import from Down Under, and Melburnians to boot. Noisy but rather fabulous.

[Marg]

Hi Jory!

It is so nice to have a clip of you though I prefer to actually see you in person.

Love ya!

[Phil Gerbyshak]

Great speech Jory! Especially cool to actually hear your voice instead of just reading your posts. Well done, and nice video (now up on Tom Peters weblog too).

[Cinnamon]

Andrew "aka Mr. Lemon Juice" just so happens to be my boyfriend. Several folks came up to him afterward and said that your comment wasn't cool. But he disagreed. "It was funny. But she got it wrong. The lemon juice was fine. However, the candle should have been bigger."

And I liked the last point the best.

[Marilyn]

Great list, Jory. I laughed at #9. :)

[Janeen]

I do exactly the same thing with my New Yorkers!

[Jen]

Hey, there's nothing wrong with a five year old cell phone. I also call mine vintage.

[Acomplia]

Thanks for sharing!