It had been 36 hours since BlogHer. I was at the airport, standing in line for coffee, when the phone rang. It was Lisa Stone. I had sanctioned myself from speaking with her or Elisa for at least 24 hours and thought against calling either of them last night. If we were all going to detox from living on our cell phones and computers and talking BlogHer I had to be respectful of boundaries.
But, hey, she called first.
"This a good time?" she asked.
I was juggling two pieces of luggage, balancing a coffee, and fishing for change to give the cashier. I sensed the people behind me were annoyed.
"Totally." I said. "What's up?"
It was time to dish, to start to process all that had gone on that Saturday, stuff that we were too busy or frazzled to actually absorb at the BlogHer conference.
"How are you feeling today?" Lisa asked, meaning, "How'd you think it went?"
"I feel amazing."
"Yeah?"
"Yep...you?"
"Me too."
As we started to discuss the day (Lisa never got a BlogHer/Google tote bag!) a theme arose. Sure, there'd be plenty of logistical details to hash out in an official post mortem (cough cough, wireless connection). But all we could think to talk about were the PEOPLE we met, the QUALITY of the discussion. It occurred to me, for all the planning to make the conference go off without a hitch, the real success was in the energy of the attendees. They generated the content, the conversations, the connections. All we had to do is make sure they had a place to do these things.
Don't get me wrong--the details were necessary, but what really differentiated the conference for me was observing this community take care of itself, entertain itself, educate itself, promote itself, and--when necessary--laugh at itself.
I've been writing about the Power of the X Chromosome, which I define as qualities unique to women that cultivate effective leadership when used to their potential. I think that these qualities--communication, connectedness, humilty--were in play all weekend. (And may I add that it was exhibited as strongly with our male BlogHers, all of whom seemed to "get"--or at the very least, be in awe of--the powerful dynamic generated in TechMart.)
Let me drill down a bit and go through my experience of the weekend, if for any other reason, before I forget it.
Friday afternoon, 1p: I pick up 25 dozen cookies at BlogHer sponsor Specialty's and am driving 80MPH down Hwy 101.
Friday 2p: Meet Lisa Stone in front of TechMart. We haul cookies to the catering office. I make a request to the caterers that I would like to call out now as the one thing--if anything--from BlogHer that I would like attibuted to me: Please slice each cookie in half.
I had woken up in the middle of the night earlier that week with this stroke of brilliance, thinking we had ordered nearly the same number of cookies as attendees. I imagined everyone taking one, even the men who'd we'd have to watch like hawks, lest they hold any resentment for getting only one bathroom at the event and seek passive-aggressive revenge at the cookie tray, and the 300th attendee--most likely a woman--seeing only one left on the plate. Even if she really wanted that cookie, she'd likely let it sit there, because well, no one--except maybe Liza Sabater, who hilariously commented in the Opening Session debate about being black, Puerto Rican and, thus, not having the room for any self-imposed shame--would want to be the one seen eating the last one. I couldn't stand the thought of it. And, seeing that 80 percent of our attendees were women, inevitably there would be some who would insist that they could only ingest half of the butter-filled bricks also known as Specialty's cookies. And indecisive women such as mysef would have regretted not sampling different types of cookies and would have felt like idiots ripping off pieces and leaving cookie carcasses for fellow BlogHers to pick on.
This is the shit that keeps me up at night.
I realize that my idea of slicing the cookies in half isn't going to win a Nobel Peace Prize. In fact, I'm sure the catering office at TechMart thought that they were the REAL thinkers in the crowd, having garnished the cookies with what appeared to be bay leaves (is this supposed to make them appear nutritious?), but hey, you can never underestimate the power of chocolate; you must wield it wisely. Ask Marnie Webb, Alexandra Samuel, and George Oates about that. Would the lessons of their advanced blogging session really have stuck without the reinforcement of a Reeses Peanut Butter Cup? Think about it.
Elisa had arrived late, having just finished an interview with the SF Chronicle about BlogHer. I was sitting next to Miriam Verburg, noticing our twin Inspiron 600m's and griping that though I would never say that Dell doesn't suck, it was POSSIBLE that her machine may suck less than mine. We learned to dance with TechMart's wireless routers, switching partners as soon as our old connection let us go. The dear, sweet, forever patient, Hector, our technical consult offered this bit of critical advice: Just keep trying different routers until you find one. So that was it: My inability to get a Web connection was an issue of faith. I figured, if I prayed hard enough that night I might invoke the god of wireless to throw us some good fortune, if not ethernet cables. I knew I forgot to do something that night.
Women began to enter the room; I realized it was time for the speaker session, where we would hand out the well-written and amended session guidelines. If you do not opt to link to them, allow me to summarize: No PowerPoints! And we're well aware of the bad-ass quotient in the room, kay? So put away the numchucks when speaking and recognize we're all smart people with valid opinions.
I met several women I've known virtually for a while--Ronni Bennett, Jill Fallon, Janeen (who was HILARIOUS, by the way. You'd think she was backstage at a Stones concert by the way she'd jump up and down when one of her favorite bloggers entered the room). The lovely Anastasia arrived with two of her teen bloggers, then Mary Hodder and danah Boyd, Amy Gahran and Koan Bremner (loved the shoes by the way). The live bloggers had filtered in. I was starting to feel it in my stomach, a little sick and a lot of excitement. Shit, I thought, these people came from pretty frickin far to get here. What do I say to all of these people? Lisa had asked me to go over some "logistical issues" that would be imperative for the speakers and panelists to know about before the event. She made a gross miscalculation assuming that I understood the definition of imperative. I stood in front of the group and held up a BlogHer binder opening it to the front pocket.
"You'll notice in your binders two red tickets--those are drink tickets. DO NOT LOSE THEM." I couldn't think of what else was imperative and then sat down.
Lisa's phone rang during the session, it was Liza Sabater. All we could say that afternoon was "Poor Liza!" The airline had lost her luggage and she'd run to The Gap to find something to wear. Now she was at the TechMart and wondering where we were. Chris Nolan ran out to retrieve her, but came back empty-handed. Poor Liza, not only had her luggage been lost, she was wandering in the wrong building. She eventually made it to our meeting--to her credit--without any tags hanging from her newly purchased outfit.
After the meeting people wandered a bit and then started to gather for dinner. The shuttle pulled up and a well-intentioned but rather clueless man smiled at me from the driver's seat.
"Are you here for BlogHer?"
"Yes, I think, yes."
People began to file onto the bus. Once it was filled I said to the driver, "We'll see you when you get back." Which prompted his question: "OK, where I take these people?" Being one of the planners of BlogHer, I suppose it wasn't an entirely stupid question to ask me, though, being directionally challenged, all I could say was, "To Alviso ... California." I decided to make him feel stupid for asking.
"You don't know how to get to the restaurant?"
The driver looked back at me and smiled, "You no worry, OK? I find it."
I waited for the next batch of shuttle riders with Lisa Stone and the b-friend, who had arrived and was rather incredulous that I didn't know where the dinner was and that I was making him sit with me in TechMart while others were eating food. I assured him there would still be some left for us. Two beautiful women arrived--they were approximately two feet taller than me. I wanted to hate them but I couldn't, as one of them was one of my panelists, the "Shit-Ass Ho Motherfucker" herself--Heather Armstrong, accompanied by Maggie Mason. They caught a ride with some of the others just as Anna John arrived, looking exasperated. Apparently her car had been stolen just a few days before by some professional burglars. While we rode to the restaurant (the driver found his way back), she told the only story that b-friend would remember from the event. In fact, when pressed later that weekend about his experiences at BlogHer, the first thing he said was, "I met this woman whose dog had been given a Roofee."
The dinner was hopping. Upon entering I thought, looking at the long tables and the food line, I'm back in high school, only the boys like Jay Rosen had grown taller than me and were now cool. I have to just say that I appreciated Jay's attitude throughout the event. He attended sessions and chatted people up throughout with a purely inquisitive attitiude, sort of like, "Tell me more about this estrogen thing." While I'd heard an unappreciative statement about the observations he'd made later, during the closing session, yet I was grateful for his perspective. It may seem obvious that women are concerned about their vitual and offline security, but Jay really, genuinely embraced his role as a reporter and, perhaps, even noticed a few things that we women take for granted.
I heard a huge clap of thunder and wondered if the restaurant was going to cave in, but I was reassured, Halley Suitt had entered the room. She entered with her son and began to work the room, or more like just try to make it through the throngs of onlookers and get some food for her kid. We have two or three hundred mutual acquaintences, but we'd never actually met. I got the chance to say hello and ask her, "So how many people do we both know?" Yes, many indeed, but, as Shakespeare would say, acquaintances not to the blogroll necessarily link.
Heather Gold provided some stand-up entertainment. Aside from the fact that she's Jewish and a lesbian, we're like two peas in a pod. While she was spouting off about fleece and wearing too much black when she moved here from the East Coast, I almost cried in empathy.
People were starting to leave the restaurant. High time, Elisa Camahort thought, to roll out the wad of cash she'd collected from diners and start sorting it in piles along the dinner table. We had a dinner bill to pay. While I make fun of my co-founder for getting unabashedly down to business, I tease with the utmost respect. Conferences don't materialize out of good intentions alone, and while I liked to pretend that they did, Elisa always was the one to deal with the more nitpicky, fiduciary and stress-inducing aspects of our enterprise. Even the next day, when wireless connections were questionable, and we were scrambling to set up signage and the registration table, she was cool as a cucumber. I wanted to be equally effective in times of crisis, and fortunately I had my opportunity to contribute when Elisa found she'd arrived at TechMart without any hair product. Elisa, it was an HONOR.
I was pretty wiped on Friday night. I'd slept with middling success throughout the week and needed to get up on Saturday at five a.m. to set up for the conference. Nothing like an intense awareness of exhaustion and it's mind-numbing effects on performance to keep a girl up all night. Despite two Tylenol PMs, I got about ten minutes of sleep. All I could think was, did catering slice the cookies in half? In stead of counting sheep, I sliced cookies--one, two, three. I quit after about 6,000 and just accepted my fate--I would be incoherent tomorrow. Perhaps exhaustion would take the edge off.
Much of the conference was a blur. I wondered if I had been slipped a roofee. My take on the BlogHer debate on whether we should care about link-based hierarchies. I really appreciated Ambra Nykol's take on it. Her thoughts in summary: Write kick-ass blog; let world provide. I also thought that the debate set the tone for the rest of the conference. There was very little equivocation among the folks who provided their thoughts (But really Koan, how do you FEEL about Technorati?) I valued every opinion that was offered, even if I didn't agree with it, because of HOW it was offered--with intelligence, respect, and an intention of enhancing the community. Personally, I agree with both Halley and Charlene Li, and while I'm not going to start my own list--good suggestion Marc--I will be much more active in my domain of blogwriting, identity blogging, if you will.
The BOFs seemed to be quite productive, but I took that time to mainline some caffeine. B-friend was monitoring my intake.
"You drink any more of that stuff and you'll start to shake. I started to smell what I thought was a burnt latte but realized it was my caffeinated B.O.
"Lay off," I said. "I feel great."
I saw a petite woman who I remembered offering a great comment during the debate. Cripes! What was her name? Apparently she was Sylvia Paull's ride to BlogHer, and was enjoying herself immensely. I was glad she came but felt quite badly--apparently I had been kicked off Sylvia's list of suitable chauffeurs. What was it, Sylvia? The fact that I got lost, like five times the last time I drove? The fact that we ran out of gas and had to search frantically for a station in San Mateo? I'll just have to get over it.
I went to the ladies room to pee for the fifteeth time and met Lisa Canter--absolutely lovely lady with two adorable little girls that I'd met at the restaurant the night before.
She looked at me apologetically, "I might have to go to the business blogging session," she said. I wondered what was the big whoop, but then it occurred to me, she wasn't going to be in MY session, "How to Be Naked."
"One must do what one must, Lisa," I said, feeling very sorry for her. Didn't she know that all the COOL people were coming to my session. What can I say? To each her own.
"Naked" was packed, and from what I gather, quite a success. I have to credit the panelists--Koan Bremner, Ronni Bennett, and Heather Armstrong--who didn't disappoint. They offered candid, thoughtful perspective. And judging by the pronouncements of personal sexual preference by members of the audience, I believe that in addition to fulfilling our objective of exploring the benefits and obstacles of personal blogging, we inspired others to strip down with us.
I sat in on the MommyBlogging session, which was pure fun. These women (and sprinkling of men) epitomize, in many ways, the promise of the Blogosphere of connecting and developing human ties through technology. I was delighed to be at the pajama party. I also felt a new appreciation for these women, who are some of the best writers in the Blogosphere but often suffer the indignity of not being treated as legit because they write about parenting. I think of brilliant writers who were Stay at Home Moms who didn't have the outlet of blogging--Sylvia Plath comes to mind--and think to myself, if only she could have blogged.
I won't recount the cookie break; I feel I covered that one fairly well.
The closing session. Depite the fact that Caterina Fake had a last minute family emergency, I think danah and Ellen Perelman did a great job of informally addressing the group on behalf of Yahoo. By now the women were jonesing for a glass of wine anyway; less in these cases is always more. I'd just been handed Debi Jones's passport, which had been found randomly and for a second time, and wondered if it meant something apocalyptic--the coincidence was just too eerie. I put my fears aside for the moment, we had people to thank for Chrissakes.
I remember a few pictures being taken, a glass of wine, chatting with Marnie Webb, Average Jane, Little Judy, Nancy Tubbs and Yvonne Divita. Yvonne was exhausted and had to go, but was so glad she'd made it off the waitlist and got to go to the conference with her sister. I'd met Yvonne before and had been hoping, but nothing, not even chocolate could get you in ahead of the line. We had a bitch of a time saying no to people we really wanted to be there, but in the end, karmically, we felt good. Omigod, Hi Jennifer Inc!
We went to Nicolinos for dinner--along with about 80 other BlogHers. Apparently the waitstaff wasn't ready for the sudden onslaught of women requesting separate checks, but we worked out a compromise. (Thanks to my pal and Guy Friday Jim Macove for nipping that little catastrophe in the bud). One of the guys who got knocked off in the Sopranos came back from the grave and started to hit on Lisa and Elisa. So what do they do? Insist on the triumviarate and invite me to get equally humiliated. It really wasn't that bad. I had the privilege of sitting with Susan Getgood, my pal Evelyn Rodriguez, her friend Donald, and Melissa Gira.
We got home around midnight. B-friend was pooped and plopped into bed.
"How was it?" I asked. "Excruciating?"
"Nope, he said. "I think I enjoyed myself. Quite a bit actually." (Translation: It kicked ass, but I can't have you thinking that my being there wasn't without significant personal sacrifice.)
"You coming to bed?" he asked. God yes. I hadn't slept sufficiently for 36 hours, or for the last 30 days for that matter. All I needed was sleep. "I'll be right there."
I unpacked my laptop and turned it on.
And I have video, from said dinner, of all the operatic tributes to you, Lisa, & Elisa -- to be posted once I come down from the conference high myself!
See you next year, if not before!
Posted by: Melissa Gira | August 01, 2005 at 09:44 PM
Jory, someone gave me an extra Google/Blogher because they thought my kids might want it! I will email Lisa myself, but let her know she has one coming if she wants it.
I love this wrap up! I am so tired I can hardly focus, but CAN'T STOP READING all of the posts about BlogHer.
Posted by: Jenn | August 01, 2005 at 09:44 PM
OMG - Jory - I am horrified to hear about the driver - that's the shit that keeps me up at night! I only gave the company addresses and directions about 10 times. Sigh.
But, I am so not surprised to hear that you handled the situation with such grace. BTW - the b-friend - he's a keeper! But you knew that already. :-)
Posted by: Maria | August 01, 2005 at 10:51 PM
Great inside account - and I applaud the cookies!
Posted by: Donna | August 01, 2005 at 10:56 PM
Great summary, Jory. You and and Lisa and Elisa and all the rest pulled off something really special. I'm so proud to have been a part of it.
Posted by: Ronni Bennett | August 02, 2005 at 06:00 AM
Jory: Your hair product was nearly the highlight of the day for me...how would it have been if I had had to go through BlogHer feeling self-conscious about frizz? That stuff worked like a charm.
I need to know what it was, so I can buy some , and carry around a little BlogHer with me every day. (On me?)
Melissa: Burn that video!!!
Posted by: Elisa Camahort | August 02, 2005 at 08:08 AM
Did I somehow just delete a comment rather than post it? Argh.
Anyway, Jory, the hair product was nearly the highlight of the day for me. Imagine what it would have been to go through the day self-conscious about frizz!
I need the name of the product so I can go buy some and carry around a little bit of BlogHer with me every day. (On me?)
Melissa: burn that video!!!
Posted by: Elisa Camahort | August 02, 2005 at 08:11 AM
Oh, and Jenn: thanks for the offer of a bag for Lisa, but Jory's b-friend is so coolio he had snagged one in case Jory hadn't gone one, but she had, so Lisa will have one.
You are both sweet and thoughtful.
Posted by: Elisa Camahort | August 02, 2005 at 08:12 AM
Jory! Thank you so much for all your hard work. I'm with Jenn. I've been obessively reading about BlogHer for two days. See you next year!
Posted by: Jenny | August 02, 2005 at 09:19 AM
I LOVE THIS! We talked about ALL of this already...late last night, but honestly honey....this was the best! I couldn't stop laughing and associating it with all we chatted about. What a most incredible experience for everyone....and, it's only just begun! I'm happy and very excited for all of you wonderful, talented and inspiring women in the blogosphere....KUDOS!
Posted by: Joy DJ | August 02, 2005 at 10:34 AM
I must be slipping. ESP told me you were in the ladies room, not the cafe...
Posted by: Lisa Stone | August 02, 2005 at 12:38 PM
Virtual chocolate to ya, woman (and we had chocolate espresso beans in the Global Woman panel! Ya missed those.) Those chocolate chip oatmeal cookies were to die for. But they paled to the energy in Tech Mart. And that's saying something coming from a die hard chocoholic (aka choconancy)
Posted by: Nancy White | August 02, 2005 at 10:01 PM
Congratulations Jory, and thanks for the kind words. You, Elisa and Lisa, with crew, did a great thing by creating this event. And the posts people wrote after are the proof.
Posted by: Jay Rosen | August 02, 2005 at 10:57 PM
you know, you captured my bumbling idiot side quite nicely. i haven't stopped laughing.
my new tag line? "tell me about this estrogen thing".
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
Posted by: liza sabater | August 03, 2005 at 12:07 AM
Jory, I think you know how much being at BlogHer meant to me, so I won't labour the point. You capture the spirit of the event perfectly - well, almost. For although opinionated windbags like me "say what they mean, and mean what they say" - and beteer yet, say it on the record(Technorati?) - others don't. Ambra had good comments to make, with a microphone in her hand, as you say - but she saved some choice ones for when she got back to the safety of her blog, and didn't have to, like, "speak Naked". Just a timely reminder that what happens in the conference room doesn't always reflect reality, I suppose. Sadly.
Posted by: Koan Bremner | August 03, 2005 at 02:16 AM
Hi Jory, it was great to meet you at the conference, terrific write-up, thank you!
Posted by: Elise | August 03, 2005 at 11:22 AM
I was wondering who the goddess was who knew the cookies needed to be cut a half. Genius. I knew if was a woman...and should have guessed it was you. Well done!
Posted by: Jennifer Warwick | August 03, 2005 at 11:23 AM
Thanks for sharing the inside story -- I appreciate the fact that the cookies were cut in half -- less weight watchers points.
Posted by: Beth | August 03, 2005 at 06:43 PM
All of you on the organizing end should be commended. You are pioneers more than you realize. Expect greater things to follow.
Posted by: Ambra Nykol | August 04, 2005 at 01:13 AM
J = Someone stole my Blogher/Google bag -- my son -- and did it within seconds of spotting the way cool thing and that together with my MSN Search Champs bag are long gone out of my hands and into his room :( And no, I'm not begging for another bag, it's okay.
Meanwhile, stop writing such nice stuff about me -- I'm not worthy -- and I need to bow and scrape to YOU GIRL!!! I'm really bummed I didn't have more time to hang out with you, Lisa and Elisa.
Dinner Saturday night was spent in my heavenly Westin hotel room, tending to my very tired out kid, who spent the day with his aunt and uncle at Santa Cruz, as he was getting more and more under the weather with an earache (not their fault, but due to the previous week of swimming and diving lessons and overall fatigue).
My glamourous life, right? I notice the ratio of Children's Meltaway Grape Flavor Tylenol tablets increases and the Trojan Her Pleasure Condoms decreases in my cosmetics bag as I travel the conference circuit. The Not-so-sexy Life of a Single Mom.
My kid and I were both dead asleep by about 8PM PST.
Ut oh ... I think this is a blog post disguised as a comment ... sorry.
Anyway, wonderful to finally meet you and I hope we'll get another chance soon to hang out.
Halley
Posted by: Halley | August 05, 2005 at 05:49 AM
thanks from another attendee. it was truly fabulous. and hey, i had at least three of the half cookies. i feel better now, knowing they were "only halves". sort of.
cheers!
Posted by: jenB | August 06, 2005 at 11:49 AM
thanks from another attendee. it was truly fabulous. and hey, i had at least three of the half cookies. i feel better now, knowing they were "only halves". sort of.
cheers!
Posted by: jenB | August 06, 2005 at 11:49 AM
Jory, you were so open and kind to all of us, and were quite remarkable in remembering everyone's name!
Aside from your gracious social skills, BlogHer was success on many levels. Bravo to you, Lisa, Elisa, Purvi and the Advisory Board.
As a fearless mommy blogger, I would like to mention this: There was one glaring exception to the roster of superb panelists at BlogHer. This was a person who was senselessly rude, uncharitable and cowardly on her blog following the event. I am certain I do not need to name names as this controversial subject/person has received much attention already. In the future, I sincerely hope that future session speakers will be very carefully screened for BlogHer 2006.
Thank you for this event, a wonderful gift to the blogging community.
Grace Davis
Santa Cruz, California
Posted by: GraceD | August 07, 2005 at 12:22 AM
Wow, what a wonderful conference you have run - cleversocks. I have cousins like you, they didn't share their genes though. There are some great pix up here, taken by J.D. Lasica
http://www.flickr.com/photos/jdlasica/sets/671069/
Two lovely shots of you, Jory. Clever AND good looking - you rat!
heartiest congratulations on a race well run.
Posted by: genevieve | August 09, 2005 at 02:55 AM