The Bright Side of Status Anxiety

I've just cracked Alain de Botton's latest book, Status Anxiety. I'm sure you can guess what it's about. The title intrigued me. Would he try to deny that status anxiety exists? Would he try to offer a cure?

I'm still reading the first part, which reminds me of a history textbook. It's interesting in the same way Humanities 101 was in its better moments, when we covered such innovations as body odor and urban sanitation in historic societies (great stuff to use while playing Trivial Pursuit). But, reading about past societal stratifications, I can't help thinking to myself, "No Duh!" Does it really take a book to prove that people don't like to play well together unless someone's the bigger cheese? "Equals" are two people vying for position with no distinct winner.

According to de Botton, people in certain societies felt their station in life was predestined, thus they never aspired to raise their position; to do so would have been questioning God's will. This provides me with some comfort actually; watching historical fiction films I always feel sorry for the peasants--weren't they miserable having to live in village slums with dirt under their fingernails, knowing that there was nothing more for them? Their only hope was getting some disease and dying young.

It's wrong to impose this view on a historic population, I deducted from de Botton's book. The lower strata had much more acceptance of their situation than, say, America's contemporary urban poor. Why? because America offers the option of having more. Granted, not everybody exercises the option, but as Americans adore their rags to riches stories and always tout that ANYONE can make something of themselves, more pressure exists to "better oneself".

This raises the question, is someone who is "downsizing"--giving up that big-title job and paycheck for a simpler life, not desirous of status? I argue no; they are swimming against the more ubiquitous notion of what we've deemed as status symbols, but not of status itself. If we lived in this world with no respect--from others, but mainly from ourselves--we couldn't function, or we couldn't function to our potential.

De Botton quoted David Hume from "A Treatise on Human Nature" (1739) and captured another interesting phenomenon:

"It is not a great disproportion between ourselves and others which produces envy, but on the contrary, a proximity."

In other words, I am not jealous of Bill Gates because he is so wealthy, but Larry Ellison could be. If I launched a software empire that approached Microsoft in sales, I might become jealous of Bill Gates.

I am jealous of people who have things within my grasp that I do not have. A friend of mine with a similar view of life published her book. She doesn't know it (unless she's read this blog) but yeah I'm jealous! Another friend of mine with no physical similarity to a supermodel lost five pounds. I'm not jealous of Cindy Crawford but I sure am jealous of my friend. If I had the gumption, I might be able to lose five pounds, but she got there first.

If I really apply this principle I can see that there are many people in this world that I envy, and they aren't A-list celebs or regulars on the cover of People. It's "safe" for me to say that I'm jealous of Jennifer Lopez or Britney Spears because they've got a lot of shit that I don't want (that Federline dude hardly strikes me as a treat).

There is also a bright side to this dynamic: If you are, in fact, envious of people who are most similar to you, you have a built-in gauge for your own success. The people that I have been jealous of over the years has shifted for the better, I believe. I'm no longer jealous of the 20-Something Girl who used to be on The View--I thought she had the best job possible, starting work in mid morning and chatting up a bunch of other women for a living. Now even she has left for greener pastures. I no longer envy the bubble-headed bleach blondes who beat out me and my twin sister when we were 15 and who got the role of Mike's and Boner's girlfriends on the now defunct spinoff of the TV show Growing Pains. How would I have ever lived that down?

I'm tortured now by people who have accomplished much bigger things (they will remain nameless until I am no longer tortured by them, I'm afraid), though I aspire to envy Oprah. Now that's progress!

Comments

[Joy DJ]

Too funny....great! J.

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thanks for the post. I read this book and i found it interesting..